Eli, the sleeper?!

Eli is learning to sleep! (Thank goodness.) He's seven months old now and is finally getting to more nights where he wakes only once during my normal sleeping hours (10-ish PM to 6-ish AM). This is a huge accomplishment for him and a huge relief for me.

Learning how to help Eli learn to sleep has been a brand new process for us. Of course, he's a different person from Maia, and so he doesn't sleep like she did. That's self-evident. He's such a cuddly baby with such a big personality--nighttime wakings have sometimes been a process of convincing a charming, chatting, big-eyed Eli that it's not time to hang out and talk and play. I'd say that that's the primary thing that we've had to teach him.

The primary thing that he's had to teach us is that he knows when he's hungry. I know this might seem simplistic, but all of the various "cry it out" methods of sleep training--especially the ones that demand that they be implemented with very young infants, younger than three months--seem to me to hinge on the idea that babies don't have anything to teach their parents about individual nighttime needs and habits. We've had to learn from Eli that his nighttime food needs aren't textbook. He's still off-the-charts in terms of size--he's weighing-in at around 26 pounds at seven months, which is still that nonsensical "100th percentile," I think. He wasn't born at that percentile, so I didn't have signs from the very start that hugeness was probably in his future. I believe firmly that without nighttime feedings, he would have failed to thrive (and I do mean that medically, the official diagnosis). His caloric needs are remarkable, far beyond what we experienced with Maia. It feels like this is his body's path, his individual growth trajectory that's a part of his DNA. I really believe that if we'd tried to "cry it out" early on with Eli, we would have ended up in the hospital with a dehydrated, undernourished baby.

I know that parenting so often is about choosing strategies that feel right to you, and then finding "evidence" to support your decision. I know that's what I'm doing here, and I put "evidence" in quotes for a reason. There's no science behind it either way as far as I know--cry it out or not--no peer-reviewed, double-blind studies. This is purely anecdotal, and, to quote my favorite old adage about research: "The plural of anecdote is NOT data."

St. Patrick's Day

Last night, before bed, Maia told us: "Tomorrow is a special day". We asked why and she continued. "Tomorrow is St. Patrick's day. There will be a rainbow and if we go to the end of it, we will get a pot of gold!". We kissed her on the head and said good night.

This morning, she was all ready to see the rainbow. Of course, it was a beautiful sunny day and there was no rainbow to be found. We explained how the rainbow and the pot of gold was a story -- a joke, even -- and that the only thing you do on St. Patrick's Day is wear green. She wasn't terribly fond of that answer.

Maia proceeded to go upstairs and pick out some red clothes to put on. I asked what she was doing and she said: "This is what I think of St. Patrick's day".

Ha! Looks like we have a bit of a smart ass on our hands :)

Maia

Another parent at Maia's preschool relayed this story to us this morning:

Maia's teacher, Mariann, is working on helping the kids in class recognize their written names. She has all of their names on cards, and during one of their two daily circle times, she'll hold up the cards and say "Whose name is this?" (or something like that), with the goal being that each child will say "oooh, me!" when he/she sees his/her name come up.

Apparently, though, Maia is preempting all of that. She's jumping in and reading everyone else's name, one by one.

Now I'm left to wonder what else she's reading without our knowledge. Hmmm ...

Siblings

From Early September

From January 11

My sister Katie is in Michigan right now--in East Lansing, preparing for a pre-bar-exam-exam--and it's hard for me to stick around here in Ann Arbor while she's just an hour up the road. Life and work obligations have dictated my being tied to home yesterday and today, but if it weren't for that, I'd hop in the car and take Maia and Eli to E.L. with me so we could hang out and ruin Katie's ability to cram for her test. :)

What an amazing gift it is to have a sibling. I'm thinking about Maia now, and how we upended and (potentially) messed-up her sense of her place in the world by bringing Eli into it. My goodness, how beautifully she's handled it! When I think about her as a person, when I ponder her identity that's deeper and more profound than just a "kid" (the lifelong identity rather than the developmental one), I think that the inherent goodness and kindness that she shows toward her little brother is one of her greatest attributes. It makes me grateful to know her. It's a beautiful thing to see--those of you who've seen it would surely agree. Maia's just a phenomenal big sister. It's a habit now for Eli to gaze over towards her when they sit together in the back of the car; he knows that the chance she'll want to entertain him and make him laugh is pretty high. Just this morning he was snuggled up under the covers in our bed as we were all collectively starting our day, and Maia climbed in bed with him and put herself between him and the edge; "I'll protect you, Eeez. You won't roll off!" she said.

She's never once shown a bit of hostility or anger or jealousy towards him. Perhaps it will come later, I know. But no sign of it yet, after nearly seven months.

I opened this post with a bit of reflecting upon my own sisters because all of this gives me pause to consider this question: what did my parents do right? What did they do when we were children, and what did we all do when we've grown up, to forge these bonds that have remained strong despite distances of hundreds or thousands of miles? What do I need to do for my own children? What can I do to help them create this remarkable gift together, as brother and sister, for themselves?

Ultimately, what can I do to build upon the goodness and generosity and kindness that's already there?

Joanna and Katie and I can go months without seeing each other, we can live hundreds of miles apart, and yet when we are closer together, the bonds are right there. We argue and disagree and revert to old yucky patterns sometimes, but it doesn't matter--the tension fades (or sometimes even strengthens the relationship!) and that strong wish to sit and talk and spend time remains. Over coffee, via Facebook, over a bottle of wine or on a drive to the airport--I cherish the time so deeply, and this time with my sisters is one of the greatest gifts that my life has given me. We've navigated some very rough spots that lasted years, and I think we're stronger for it. I'm not of the mind that the entire relationship needs to be smooth or easy--in fact, I think the relationship that I have with Jo and Katie is a reflection of one of my deepest-held life beliefs: conflict, if navigated effectively and respectfully, is necessary and essential for strong relationships. Conflict demonstrates our mutual individuality.

I've come to realize that investing time and energy into effectively parenting Maia and Eli as siblings to each other is one of the most important goals I hold as a Mom. How can I help them nurture the care for each other that, as of right now, seems to be innate? Eli smiles and laughs when he sees his sister coming in a way that he reserves for her alone. That's a hell of a spark of something essential. Thank goodness for it.

Life is good!

Spring is approaching quickly. We can feel it here in Ann Arbor--warmer days, melting snow, and more days of sunshine. I'm certain we'll get at least one more big snowstorm before the winter is wrapped-up for good, but that's OK. We all can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

How are we? Good!

• Preschool has been such an enriching experience for Maia. Just this week, for example, she wanted to have Eli as her show-and-tell on Monday, so I brought him in midway through the morning and sat with him on my lap in front of the class while Maia proudly showed-off her little brother. It was quite charming. Then, on Wednesday, a local dentist visited class and taught the kids all about healthy teeth and foods. Maia's been talking about caring for her teeth ever since, and she now insists on brushing them multiple times a day.
  
• Eli is happily digging into solid foods. This week, he broadened his repertoire to include Zingerman's Roadhouse's grits, roasted chicken, and Brian's delicious risotto. We didn't go through much of the process of making baby food purees and such this time around. While we do have some cooked and frozen veggies in bags in the freezer, he's already moved-on to eating bigger chunks of stuff.
  
• Eli also added another sign into his list: "water." That brings his total up to four signs.
• We got a spring windbreaker jacket for Eli recently, and we had to go all the way up to a 24-month size to get one that we thought would fit all season. I think that he weighs about 25 pounds (using our bathroom scale as an estimate).
  
• Maia's added some great words and expressions into her own language usage. She loves to use the words "ordinary" and "recognize" lately, and recently said "We should do this again sometime!" (to Aunt Katie, as if they were on an Auntie/Niece date.)