A dilemma: change and stress.

A new development in this third year of Maia's life has been the presence of anxiety or stress in connection with change. We've been working on some changes lately--potty training, weaning off a sleep-time paci--and we've both noticed that Maia's stress level increases in connection with these changes. So, Brian and I both have felt the need to hit the "pause" or "rewind" button on some of these decisions, but we're not sure that that's the right answer, either.

I believe very strongly that adaptability and flexibility are essential life skills. But I don't necessarily think that it's developmentally appropriate to expect these skills of a 2 1/2 year old. In fact, I'm pretty certain it isn't in a lot of circumstances, and also depending upon the kid. Maia is exuberant about life and is a very brave and strong person, but she's never really been a "go with the flow" kind of kid. She's needed particular routines for sleep, a relatively predictable flow to the day, and she likes to know that she has "her places" that are familiar and comforting to her. She's not rigid, by any means, but she's opinionated, detail-oriented, a light sleeper, and a bit of an introvert (in that she watches a new situation from the periphery for a bit before diving in). She loves to explore, but she needs a familiar foundation upon which to stand and to which she can return in-between explorations. Of course, in many ways, several of these descriptions also fit her parents, but we're not going to answer the "nature vs. nurture" question in this particular blog post. ;)

So, put all of this together, and I think what we have is a toddler who isn't a great fit for changing things cold turkey. Brian and I have definitely learned that in the last few weeks.

So, I guess the questions we're asking these days include: what level of stress (because of change) are we comfortable with in Maia? What level seems unreasonable or inappropriate? Is any stress really appropriate in relationship to these changes (paci weaning, potty training) that aren't really that important right now, in the grand scheme of things? There are developmental milestones that matter for a two-year-old, and those that don't, and, in my opinion, these two don't so much. If she's still peeing in her pants all the time at 4-years-old, that's a different situation.

I'm processing this as I write, so I don't necessarily see this post as a set of answers, but rather a series of questions. What I'm trying to do right now is prioritize; there are "struggles" in which I'd probably have a greater investment in standing my ground, even if increased stress on the part of my little girl was a result. If Maia had a very limited or unhealthy diet, for example, or if I was concerned about her physical health, that would be a bigger issue. If I was concerned about her intellectual or verbal development, that would be a bigger issue. Those things don't apply in either of the cases that we're dealing with.

But perhaps I'm rationalizing. Perhaps I'm teaching her that "If you object strongly enough, we'll back off." I don't know. That's not really the lesson I'm shooting for. But I'm also not interested in communicating to Maia that "Mama's going to make you feel stressed out about inconsequential things."

Ahhh. Big questions, and few answers. Welcome to parenting.