Good morning, everyone! I'm at the start of an unusual coordinated naptime for Maia and Sam; generally, Sam naps for an hour or so each morning while Maia is awake, but Maia was seeming extra sleepy (and a bit cranky) this morning. They both went to sleep very quickly at around 9:45 AM.
So here I am. Our lives during the day have taken on a new pattern because of the regular presence of Sam here with us in the mornings. He arrives sometime around 8:30 AM, at which point the three of us hang out at the house for a little while as Maia finishes her breakfast. Then, pretty much every day, we get out of the house! Sam's parents generously bought a second carseat for him to use in my little Mazda (oh how I still love my car, and it's already five years old. We get to stop making payments on it soon!), so it's an almost-daily routine for us to go downtown or to a bookstore or a big park outside of the neighborhood.
This morning, for example, we went to Borders, where Maia had a chocolate milk and I had my coffee and we read through several books in the kids' section. Sam sat in my lap while I sat on the floor, and Maia kept bringing book after book after book to our spot for us to read. It was relaxing and calm . . . well, until both of them started to show signs of their sleepiness. :)
Sam will be here with us until noon today, as is the case every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. We skip Thursdays because, as we were scheduling our arrangement, his parents knew that Thursday is Maia's day with Papa Stan, and it's my day to arrange meetings or appointments or to simply claim a few hours for myself.
I've certainly learned a great deal in this time about what it feels like to care for two kids siumultaneously. There are a lot of pluses to it, to be sure, as well as some more challenging aspects (isn't that the case with anything meaningful? Everything that's really worthwhile has some complexity to it!). One thing that's surprised me is how little my teaching experience offers in terms of strategies to manage an infant and a toddler together. I feel that I'm re-learning a lot as I go, deepening my skill set every day and building up new capabilities that I didn't have previously. One would think that managing a class of thirty six-year-olds would have given me all of the tools that I need . . . but it just didn't.
I think a key difference is the intensity of connection: it's hard to feel really connected to these two people at the same time, and to know that I have to alternate between prioritizing one's needs over the other's, back and forth, pretty much all morning. When I had thirty first-graders in my classroom, I certainly was doing the same dance, but they weren't my own children (or the children of good friends), and so there was some professional distance there. That distance is necessary to being a good teacher, in my opinion. In order to be objective and pragmatic about a child's educational and social progress, I can't think about that child as "mine." That's why there's the set-in-stone rule that teachers can't teach their own children (and, often, can't even have their own children in a different classroom in the same building).
But anyway, it's felt really good to develop this new aspect to how I parent. It feels good to know that Maia's okay when I'm focusing on Sam, and that she can successfully manage her own emotions while she watches her Mama give more attention to another child. Just this weekend, in fact, we left Maia in the care of her first non-family caregiver for an hour (at the Unitarian Universalist church that we visited on Sunday), and she managed it beautifully. :) I'm really proud of her, and how confident she is in herself at the ripe old age of 21 months!
10 comments:
I have to disagree with you about the whole school thing. Matthew will be going to my school and will be in my room every Friday. I don't see any problem with teaching him and separating my child with the needs of others. We have many teachers that have their children at our school and some even teach their own children in their grade level by choice. I don't think it is a set-in-stone rule by any means.
Hmmm . . . well, I guess I'll say that, in my opinion, I really don't think this is wise. Many districts have a policy in place about this sort of thing for a reason. It's human nature, isn't it, to prioritize one's own child? What if the teacher's child is a discipline problem? What if a teacher's child is struggling academically? Can we really think that the teacher/parent will be able to handle situations like these in an objective way?
If Matthew (for example--not that I think this will happen!) has a behavior issue in your classroom, do you think other parents, whose students are being assessed, graded, and disciplined by you, will feel comfortable addressing the problem that YOUR son is causing? (I'm not meaning to be confrontational at all, I'm just trying to bring this into real life!)
I did a little Google search, and here's an article that seems to explain the reasons why this might not be such a good idea:
http://education.families.com/blog/teaching-your-own-child-in-your-classroom
I see where you are coming from, but having been in the situation of having fellow teacher's children in class it has not been a problem. Many teachers in our building have had their children go to school with them. Not all of them have taught their children in their room, but some do. Being educators they understand that their own children can act poorly or have difficulties academically and they allow the grade level teacher and/or special services to handle the situations. For many of the teachers in this situation they can not help where they live, their house is in the district of the school and the school will not make them change because of their neighborhood. Granted, we don't even live in Portage, but our work schedules will not work with the school district here, they start about the same time, but get out earlier. As a perk of working in Portage, we are allowed to bring our children to the district.
Matthew will not be in my room on a daily basis. I have chosen not to be his regular classroom teacher. I could be his reading teacher, depending on where he falls academically, but I will be a rotating teacher on Fridays and we will teach him, as other educators will, how to respect me and to look at me as his teacher not his mother. When I am teaching him, I will have to do the same. I will know what I can do out of school to help him academically. He won't get preferred treatment from myself or any of my grade level peers.
The other children (of teachers) in our buildings do not. If Matthew is the one causing the problems and they do not feel comfortable talking to me, they have every right to talk with my principal. Being a teacher in the school I will be able to keep an eye on his behaviors and make sure he is not misbehaving or being a problem. He will also have to respect that this is my place of work and he can't embarrass me with his behaviors.
I know you are not meaning for this to be confrontational at all, but more of a discussion of two different opinions. I couldn't pull up the link because the rest of the web address was cut off.
Here is the link
I love these kinds of debates! I'm glad that you don't feel I'm being confrontational. :) I'm going to "push back" on a couple of your points here:
1) The idea that you can "keep an eye" on Matthew's behaviors while he's in your building is precisely the sort of thing that might concern the parents of your other students. This is an example of you shifting attention away from your immediate job (their kids) to focus on your own child (who is your TOP priority, as dictated by human nature, I think).
2) You've probably experienced what I have with first graders in that they really don't even understand that their teacher doesn't live at school. (It's always funny when this happens!) I just don't know that a six year old child is developmentally able to separate "Mom" from "Teacher," able to tell when you're in which role, able to tell how to adjust his behaviors, etc. I think that this might be placing developmentally-inappropriate expectations on a little brain that's not ready for this kind of compartmentalization of roles.
3) I understand that other teachers whose kids have been at your school might not have had problems . . . but I'd ask you to consider all of this from the perspective of the hundreds of other parents who aren't teachers there. For example, if Matthew is picking on another kid at recess, what is that kid's parent supposed to do? How awkward might this situation be for them? That family didn't ask for their son or daughter to be in Matthew's Mom's class . . . it just seems like it would be really difficult and complicated from that family's perspective. And, ultimately, that family is YOUR responsibility, too.
I guess my main point is that the mixing-up of roles and responsibilities and loyalties just seems messy here, that's all, which is why many districts prohibit this sort of thing whenever possible.
I totally understand that families like yours might be in circumstances in which their children are going to be in the same district (or even the same building, if necessary) as a teacher parent. In some districts, there's only one school or one class per grade level. Of course that's the case! It just feels to me that the policies that make sure that the kids are never in their parents' classrooms are wise, both for the sake of the teacher's child AND for the teacher's other students and their parents.
What I meant by "keep an eye" is exactly what you just talked about. If he is picking on a student at recess, I can be the teacher and work it out with the three of us as I would with any other student. Not as a parent. Like I said before, I will not be his teacher everyday, but at the most 30 minutes a day depending on the subject area I will be teaching.
I view those (in my class) children as my own on a daily basis. I am with them more in a day then their own parents are. Not only am I their teacher, but I am their guardian and their parent at school. They need to feel the sense of security in my classroom.
I think you would be surprised to see that many six year olds are able to separate the notion that their teacher doesn't live at school. We actually just got in this conversation the other day with my class. They know that I have a family at home and I leave when they do. The students' that have parents at school as teachers are able to separate the notion that he/she is the teacher not mom or dad until after the bell rings. It just has not been a problem with any of the kids.
Plus, children at that age are very honest and if Matthew is doing something wrong to another student, they don't hold back on telling the teacher. In 99.9% of the problems at school, we hear about it right as they come back from where they were and the problem is able to get worked out as necessary. Sometimes it results in a phone call home by the children and sometimes it results in a conversation between us.
In your third point, the families of my other children also didn't ask for their child to be in class with all the other children in class. They might not be happy about some of the peers their children have, but they accept it because they have to. I understand that every child in my class is my responsibility, as is their family. I have had to make some serious decisions regarding their families over the time I have taught at that school. Like the article said, it doesn't work for everyone and I totally agree with that statement, but I also think don't knock it until you try it. From the many experiences I have had in the past six years, they all have been positive and good ones.
OK, well, as you said earlier, I think we're just going to have to agree to disagree on this one. I guess I'd just ask you to remember that I, too, have elementary school teaching experience, so you need not explain how conflict resolution and "tattling" work at the elementary level. I've lived all that.
I think the heart of for me is that I don't work within a "don't knock it until you try it" mentality with this sort of thing. I have an underlying philosophy (with a dash of paranoia, probably) that causes me to be very vigilant about the blending of lines between "personal" and "professional" when it comes to teaching. I would never say that I think of the students as "my children" (or "mine," as you phrased it) during the day: in my opinion, this lack of professional distance might be opening oneself up to a whole host of potential problems. (We've talked before about the question of bringing your dog to work or driving a student in your own personal vehicle . . . things I would NEVER, EVER do. Same idea.)
I think I'm working within the mindset of preventative vs. corrective behavior, and I'd prefer to prevent a problem from arising in the first place rather than having to correct a whole big mess after it happens. It's great that you don't know anyone whose ever had a negative experience along these lines . . . but I guess I wonder if that's necessarily something that you'd know? Do you think someone would broadcast that "I had my kid in my own class and it SUCKED!"? I'm thinking that this might be something that isn't shared widely.
Also, I think it's a big assumption to say that the children themselves aren't ever confused or muddled by this; how do we know that? I've taught six year-olds, and while I know that they do share a lot of what they're thinking, there's a much deeper and more complex tangle of thoughts underneath the surface, as there is with any human. We don't know everything about what's going on in their minds. To presume that we do is to get a bit of a God complex, if you ask me.
Like you said, we have to agree to disagree on these matters. As long as my parents are fine with the things I do and my administration is fine with the things I do, then I will continue to do them. I don't see how having a parent sign a permission slip allowing their child to go to the park with me for winning an auction or going to lunch for earning it is a big deal. I guess these are things that my children at school will get to experience. I am not the only one in my school that does these things. On a regular basis there are five teachers that bring their dogs to school...some bringing them to school every Friday. I am also not the only one that takes students to lunch or on a special auctioned event. Almost the whole staff participates in the auction and drives the students. There are also many teachers in the school that take students to lunch if they earned it.
Looking at the two first graders that have teachers in the builing, maybe a quarter of the kids know that their moms are teachers. Many don't know and they don't care.
Feel free to call me a bad person or a bad teacher if that is how you feel. I know that I am doing a great job with my kids at school. This is a real touchy subject with me because I feel you are bashing me as a teacher and a parent in your last post. We are two totally different people with different ideas and outlooks on things. I am hoping that you did not mean the last post to be hurtful, but just the way I perceived it.
Hmmm... Cara said that she disagrees with some of your general philosophy... Never in there did she say anything about you being a bad mom or a bad teacher. She only stated that she has a different philosophy (very different in some aspects).
I dearly hope that the public school teachers in this country have a differing set of philosophies. Without this disparity, we risk stagnation.
Differing opinions/philosophy like this are important to the overall discourse of your profession. I can say that these types of arguments happen in my profession as well... people (including myself) feel very strongly about their differing philosophies. It is very productive.
Please be careful not to conflate disagreement with your philosophy and "bashing [you] as a teacher and a parent". Once that happens, the conversation becomes counterproductive.
I didn't mean to say anything hurtful. I'm going to end my part of the discussion here, I think, because I guess I just have a way of ticking people off on this here blog.
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