Parenting Bill of ???

"Rights" isn't the accurate word, but clearly that's what I'm playing off here. My guiding principles, perhaps? Maybe that's better. I'm reading a wonderful, challenging, difficult-to-take (in some sections) book called Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn, and the process of reading it is shaking my foundations a bit. His thoughts certainly aren't new to me (I've read most of his stuff that's geared more toward teachers), but reading this text about parenting helps me to recognize how many "discipline" techniques out there are completely contrary to what research seems to tell us about how to raise moral, kind, thoughtful, resilient children. Fascinating.

This list is in development, and is far from a final draft. I bet there will never be a final draft.

1. Time-outs don't work (particularly with regards to the long-term), and I don't believe in them. I will resist the lure of the time-out.
   
2. Using a particular parenting technique "because everyone does it" is probably the worst reason for me to employ said technique. That's not how I roll.
3. Try to navigate the difficult moments not with with present, but with the future in mind. What skills do I hope to help Maia develop for the long term? What sort of long-term message do I want to communicate to her? What kind of person do I want her to become?
4. Being in a hurry is the enemy of good parenting. I'll try to avoid it as much as possible.
5. I believe in research. I believe in psychology as a useful science. There are thoughtful scientists out there, and lots of excellent research. Pay attention to it, but not in the mass media. CNN, MSNBC (need I even mention Fox News?) and our local news stations are experts at butchering good science.
   
6. Cultivate patience, joy, and reverence for the present moment.
7. Maia's personhood is already developing independent of me and my vision for her. That's how it's supposed to be. She might be brilliant or not, funny or not, lesbian or straight, physically gifted (coordinated, athletic) or not . . . I believe that these things lie outside the realm of parental influence. I must honor who she is.
8. The best way to teach her healthy ways of life is for me to live a healthy life. Period.
9. All indicators tell us that the American way of life is going to change greatly during her lifetime, with regards to consumption, living arrangements, economic structures, etc. Because we don't know where we will all be even 50 years from now, the best I can do in this moment is to thoughtfully show her several options, ways of consuming and buying and eating, ways of moving around in the world . . . and to hope that a few of them prove useful when we come out on the other side of the crises that are heading our way. To pretend that the changes aren't coming (and thus to give her no tools, no options) is to guarantee that the crisis will be immensely more shocking and disruptive to her than it needed to be.
10. "Spoiling" means giving a kid too many things, not too much love.
11. When someone gives me parenting advice, I'll consider it in the context of the person he/she is, and the children that he/she has or is raising. That will absolutely influence what I do with said advice.