On Father's Day.

It is Brian's first Father's Day, and we celebrated with a breakfast at the Fleetwood Diner just off Main Street. Later in the day, Brian plans to spend some time flying his kite, and then we're going to cook some steaks on the grill with my dad.

Some thoughts about what I appreciate most about Brian as a father . . . I think that one of the greatest gifts that he's giving to Maia right now is that of knowing how men can and should participate in a family. Every day, Maia sees Brian make a conscious choice to spend time with her, performing the mundane tasks that are the foundation of daily life with a child. Despite the fact that he works over forty hours a week, Brian hasn't had an uninterrupted night of sleep in almost six months. At 3:00 AM, after Maia has eaten her middle-of-the-night meal, it is often Brian who changes her diaper, kisses her good night again, and returns her to bed. Just last night, in fact, after a challenging start to the evening caused by Maia's case of the Air Conditioning Sniffles, it was Brian who cuddled her at midnight and calmed her from wide awake to fast asleep. These last six months of little moments have begun to pay off now, as Maia begins to develop a sense of who she trusts and who she does not. You can see it in her eyes: Dad is someone who is "home" to her.

What do I think these daily moments will someday mean to Maia? I believe wholeheartedly that Brian is teaching Maia what to expect from her future life partner. (Of course, it isn't a foregone conclusion that that partner will be a man, but it's more likely than not.) Brian is teaching Maia what men are capable of. He's showing her what type of life partners they can be. He is teaching her to expect kindness, generosity, attention to detail, commitment, and reflectiveness. He is teaching her that it is appropriate to expect all of these things, and to move on if she is getting something less. She will grow up seeing him cook 90% of the meals here in our house. She will grow up seeing him read books for pleasure. She will grow up seeing him treat everyone in his life with a spirit of generosity and love. Isn't he giving her an extraordinary gift??

Fathers are the principal male role models in their children's lives. They teach their children what it means to be a man in the 21st century. As a society, we place a lot of emphasis on how important the presence of a father is to a son. But my goodness, how profoundly important this type of role modeling is to a daughter! Every day Brian subverts and questions the gender roles that have become so stagnant and impractical these days. She could not be learning this lesson without him. It takes deep confidence and a strong sense of self to do what Brian is doing, because our society expects otherwise from him.

If only all of our sons and daughters could have a Dad like Brian in their lives.