(A few hours after I posted this entry, this article appeared on Slate. I guess many of us are thinking alike.)
So, John McCain's running mate is the Governor of Alaska and a mother of five (in case you've been living under a rock). And, apparently, according to some media coverage and some of the opinions expressed by voters, she's simultaneously 100% committed to her job (which I'm sure is one of those 80-hour work week types) and 100% committed to being a phenomenal mother to her kids . . . all interchangeably and at the same time.
I'm struggling with this portrayal of her because I don't believe it's humanly possible. I think it establishes very unrealistic, unattainable ideals for mothers in America to aspire to. Frankly, I think it's B.S.
Was it someone on Oprah who said "Women can definitely have it all . . . just not at the same time"? I love that quote, because it feels like real life to me. I work about 10 hours per week, on average (outside of the home, that is), and I know that, even in this relatively small amount of time, I cannot be fully present at work unless I forget about mothering Maia for a while. And I know that I can't be fully present with Maia unless I'm not thinking about work. I do not believe that it's physically, neurologically, or spiritually possible to spend one's day fully committed to both.
Here's what I think we need to stop: when we continue to hold up ideals of "the perfect mother" who somehow has the energy, brainpower, compassion, empathy, etc. of two people, in that she can be fully present both as a mother and a worker at any given moment, we create myths that will only serve to make the real people here on Earth feel guilty when we can't do it.
Let's put away those ideals, people, and call a spade a spade: Governor Palin prioritized her job, which is what I would want my state executive to do (male or female). In order for these types of demanding jobs to exist, we need to have people in them for whom the work is the top priority for a majority of their time. Should we laud her for taking her 3-day-old infant to work, or should we (hypothetical Alaskans, at the moment) say "You're our Governor! The work is too hard and complex for that. Focus on the baby when you can, and do the job of running our state right now, because you can't do both at the same time."
(Edited on Thursday, Sept. 4--After an e-mail conversation with Jo, I wanted to clarify my point a bit.)
5 comments:
Cara
There are many mothers that are able to be a FULL time mother and still maintain a full time job,either thru necessity or not.I,m ssorry that you do not believe it,s possible to do both.
My mother raised five children and went to work each day. She was committed to do both in order to feed her children for the two plus years my father was hospitalized. ,m sorry that you can not do both like so many other mothers and think it is B S maybe if you placed a little more effort into it you to can see that it is POSSIBLE.
LOVE GRAMPS CARL
To be fair, we need to clarify what it means to be "committed". You can be 100% committed to being a parent (we did that when we chose to be parents), while not committing 100% of your time to being a parent.
I, for one, am an extremely committed Dad. I am committed 100% to the concept of being a dad. BUT, I work 50 hours a week. During those 50 hours, I am busy doing a good job at work. If you do the math, and add 6 hours of sleep every night, I can only ever be 45% committed to the act of being a dad.
I can't do both (and do a good job at either) 100% of the time.
Brian / Cara
It is an undeniable fact of American life today that a large majority of women with children married and single, with children of all ages from infants to teens are working outside the home.
71%with children under age 18
77% with children ages 6 to 17
64% with children under age 6
and 56% with infants (under age 1)
are in the labor force
Gramp Carl
Grandpa,
I believe that you have really misunderstood Cara's post.
We are not criticizing these moms. Quite the opposite, actually. We are standing up for these moms! We are saying that THESE moms (including your mom) are the "SuperMoms". We are saying that THESE moms don't have the luxury of bringing their kids to work.
Instead, we are criticizing the media.
The media is telling these women that the ideal for "SuperMom" is that you need to be able to work AND parent at the SAME PHYSICAL TIME. This is not practical or possible for 99.9% of the moms out there, since their kids can't be at work with them.
The media does a terrible disservice to all of the moms in your statistics, telling them that they are not doing enough.
I wanted to add one more thing...
Cara is ALSO a working mom in that statistic. She currently holds 3 jobs and works between 25 and 35 hours a week in addition to raising Maia during the day. One of those jobs can keep her away from the house for up to 36 hours in a row. 15 of those hours are in the house, and 10-20 of those hours are outside the house. Without these jobs, we would not be able to afford to have one parent home with Maia at most times. She is making huge sacrifices as a working Mom to make this happen. She by no means a stay-at-home Mom.
That being said, if she were criticizing working moms, she would be criticizing herself.
My point is that she is not criticizing working moms in the slightest.
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